Rookie QB's as Cars

If the newly drafted QB's were actually automobiles (not like transformers), which cars would they be? Our newest contributor Zack Balich gives you some of his QB/Car comparisons. 

If the newly drafted QB's were actually automobiles (not like transformers), which cars would they be? Our newest contributor Zack Balich gives you some of his QB/Car comparisons. 

By: Zack Balich (@zbalich)

This draft had the most QB's selected in the first round since 1970 and the most taken (4) in the first 10 picks in history. The 2018 class has the potential to be discussed with the likes of the 2004 QB class (Philip Rivers, Eli Manning, and Ben Roethlisberger) and the 1983 class (John Elway, Jim Kelly, and Dan Marino). Since the Draft has come and gone, and the debate about their future rages on, it's time to take a look at these QB's in a different light. Let’s take a look at these QB's and give them the car that fits both their personality and playing style.

1. Baker Mayfield (1st Overall): Ford Mustang

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Let’s be honest with ourselves here: Mustangs are about as douchey as it gets when it comes to cars. That being said, you know you want one. We would all love to hop in the driver seat and hear that baby roar to life no matter how many people will accuse you of having an inflated ego. Mayfield has been one in the same, planting flags at midfield on the road, telling opponents they “forgot who daddy is,” and the nut grab heard ‘round the world.' But for some reason, we love him. He’s not just a douchebag. He’s our douchebag. He’s flashy, bold, and he’s a proven winner. BUT, a Mustang should never be a punk sixteen year olds first car, and Baker Mayfield should never have been the first picked quarterback, but what do I know. The Browns seem like they’ve got a pretty good track record with quarterbacks, so I doubt this will end terribly.

2. Sam Darnold (3rd Overall): Honda Odyssey

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Before I go in on Sam (and trust me, I’m going too), I want the world to know that I love the guy. Seems pretty down to earth and has a pretty bright future ahead of him. But this man is a beige wall. He is water. He is chicken made by a white guy. What I’m trying to say here is that Sam is about as bland as it gets. The minivan is the only accurate comparison for this guy. Nothing about Sam makes me get excited to watch him play. Aside from the dudes hair, I just don’t see any fire that will come out of him and you could easily catch yourself looking longingly at the other quarterbacks on this list sometime down the road. But you know what, Sam? That’s okay. You do you, man. Those minivans come in pretty clutch when the kids have a soccer game or something, I think Sam will come up big in some key moments as well. Just hope we get this guy out of his shell so I can stay awake watching him play. Hell, you can throw a DVD player into a minivan to give it a little personality, so it shouldn’t be that hard for Mr. Darnold.

3. Josh Allen (7th Overall): Old Pickup littered with InfoWars and Don’t Tread on Me Stickers

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I will be completely honest with you, I haven’t been able to wrap my head around why Josh Allen was in the first round conversation to begin with. There is nothing about this guy that makes me feel like he should be in the conversation outside of the guys physical traits. Statistically, he lacks in every category. You’ll hear some guys rave about his accuracy, but he was statistically the least accurate of all five of the quarterbacks taken in round one. His best year yardage wise was topped by three of the four other quarterbacks… TWICE. Sam only beat him one time. His QBR and TD/INT ratio have him sitting in fifth as well. Mel Kiper once said, “Stats are for losers.” That same man also said “(Allen) won. A lot of guys have stats and can’t get their team over .500.” Well, Mr. Kiper, I wasn’t a math major (I was a communications major because I obviously took the easy way out), but something doesn’t add up. Allen went 15-9 as a starter against FBS schools the last two years. That’s a .625 win percentage. Rosen went 18-20, but it’s just as easy to point out that the Mountain West is most definitely not the Pac 12. Josh Allen is an old pick up truck. He’s big, he’s got a lot of power, he’s got some athleticism that will surprise you a little, but it’s not worth the risk of not knowing whether or not this thing is going to start in the morning. Not to mention the newly public tweets from a few years back. Just like those InfoWars and Don’t Tread on Me stickers littering the back of the truck, it’s going to be hard to get rid of the image that Allen has now given himself.

4. Josh Rosen (10th Overall): BMW

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While the love for Allen seems to come from places unknown, the hatred for Rosen seems to come from the same place. Many scouts will say he really doesn’t love the game because he comes from a well off family. Do you really think Josh would spend years working on his craft  just to one day wake up and say to himself, “Nah, I’m good.” Countless scouts have let it be known that he’s not a team guy and he’s just not liked by the other players in the locker room. Every tweet and interview I see from his teammates ends up with them just gushing about how much they love the guy. You don’t orchestrate one of the greatest comebacks in college football history by being hated. That takes belief. That takes trust. It takes pretty much everything that many scouts continue to say he doesn’t have. I just don’t buy it. This isn’t to say there aren’t some glaring issues with Rosen. He didn’t win and that’s definitely an issue, but it’s hard to do so when there is an endless carousel of offensive coordinators and injuries popping up throughout the team left and right. On top of that, Rosen’s own injuries should be a concern for the Cardinals moving forward. He can be the luxury vehicle that the BMW is, but BMWs can be a major pain when it comes to them breaking down and needing new parts. The potential and refined game is already there, let’s just hope we can witness him healthy for the majority of his career.

5. Lamar Jackson (32nd Overall): Ferrari 

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Flashy, fun, and (very) fast. Lamar Jackson really has the ability to do it all. If he wasn’t competing against himself pretty much the whole year, we would’ve been able to witness a two-time Heisman winner for only the second time in history. Everyone wants to talk about the legs on this guy, but Lamar can legitimately sling the ball. You don’t put up the video game numbers that he did without being able to do so. Not to mention the fact that he was running for his life the majority of the time. A lot has been made about his accuracy, but we already know that it’s not the worst of the five. Throw in his ability to run the way he does and you can’t help but feel like Jackson has an outside shot at being far better than anyone is willing to give him credit for. Most likely though, he’s going to be just like the Ferrari. His speed and ability to go for big plays will make him something you look at as he flies down the street, but the likelihood of him being your franchise quarterback that you can count on for years to come is pretty slim.